A Naturalistic Fairy Tale-Part XXII

And then did we decide that giant meteors were possibly not the cause of mass extinction. We did decide that perhaps magnetic blips resulting in SUPER volcanoes (1) were the cause (praise Science). Please do disregard our past theories, or keep them in mind, in case we bring them up again as THE explanation.

“The weakening of Earth’s magnetic field exposed the surface to a shower of cosmic radiation, says Yukio Isozaki of the University of Tokyo. He believes the radiation broke nitrogen in the atmosphere into ions that acted as seeds for clouds enshrouding the planet.”

Yes, we, naturalistic atheists of the TRUE FAITH do believe in a firmament.  Not one that a god had to do with, but the real one that actually happened (praise Science).  We shall explain the global flood from a naturalistic perspective soon (i.e., true perspective), but we’ll use computer simulations, and it will be very, very, far in the past.  Therefore, you can do nothing other than believe, unless you are stupid and lacking faith in random processes. So, at the 250 Million Years Ago point, did a plume of super hot material begin rising through the mantle of the Earth.

This did upset the convection of the core, and did throw the Earth’s magnetic field in disarray.  This did result in massive Global Cooling, and the sea levels did drop (praise Science).  And then did, 5 million years later, the super-hot material did burst through the surface of the Earth in 3 massive super-volcanoes!  Individually, they were inadequate, but all together, they did result in massive death (praise Science).  As we have taught you before, through death comes life.  If we do teach you one thing, this is the most important.  So, did exactly 67% of life become extinct.  That was a close one, but our ancestors did live until they died (praise Science).

(1). Did magnetic blip trigger mass extinction? MSNBC.

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14 Responses

  1. I like the naturalistic fairy-tales as much as — well, as much as the next naturalist with a decent sense of humor and irony — but is there is a reason they sound as if the person writing them has no idea how to construct a sentence that sounds like real English?

  2. I wondered about that myself. I’m give to understand that one must be a scientist in order to truly appreciate the language. I decided not to be critical, because I figured the explanation would be technical. So, I just decided to trust them. 😉

  3. I find that a thoroughly unconvincing explanation, Country Shrink.

    There’s a long tradition of scientists who are fine writers: Stephen Jay Gould, Lewis Thomas, Loren Eisley. Even Dawkins, who is too pugilistic for my irenic taste, is often a moving and graceful writer. (This does not come through in The God Delusion, but it comes through nicely in The Blind Watchmaker and A Devil’s Chaplain.)

    So, I don’t see why the fictional author of the “Naturalistic Fairy-Tales” must sound like someone who learned to write English as a second (or third) language.

  4. Actually, I always thought they are written as a creed would be.

    (Which is why they are funny – because evolution is a creed!)

  5. You’re supposed to feel a sense of veneration toward the scientist. Since you’re not one, you should not be critical.

    Says who?

  6. Says who?

    The Most High Scientists. They are not to be questioned.

    Mike seems to get it.

  7. Mike gets it. I don’t get it. Why not?

    Maybe it’s because I’ve already drunk the Kool-Aid, since I’ve studied both biology and philosophy of science, I’ve done both lab and field work in paleontology, and I wasn’t raised with the belief that one must chose between religion and science?

    Or is there another explanation? Several possible explanations?

    And is there a reason why creeds cannot be well-written?

    • Who knows Carl? I suppose there are lots of possibilities. Maybe there’s an alternate universe where they are well written.

      AND, while you say you weren’t raised with the belief that one must choose between science and religion, you have indeed done so. I don’t think any commenters around here have a problem with science, it’s many scientists that we have a problem with. Why don’t you just fess up and admit you don’t like the series instead of criticizing the language used therein?

  8. AND, while you say you weren’t raised with the belief that one must choose between science and religion, you have indeed done so. I don’t think any commenters around here have a problem with science, it’s many scientists that we have a problem with. Why don’t you just fess up and admit you don’t like the series instead of criticizing the language used therein?

    Carl,

    Many of us have stated that religion and science are compatible. After all, our science came out of religion. It’s the charlatans that have arisen, over the past one-hundred and fifty years, in particular, who make a mockery out of science with their “naturalistic fairy tales!”

    On the subject of writing: why the emphasis now, this is the 22nd one. I haven’t heard this argument before?

    Carl, I think you’ve been called out!!! “What you gonna do when they come for you…” etc etc;-)

  9. You’re supposed to feel a sense of veneration toward the scientist. Since you’re not one, you should not be critical.

    Says who?

    Carl, I had three years of piano in college, but I can’t play worth a crap, since three years is not enough time to conquer the instrument!

    So, are you saying that you’re a “jack of all trades,” and yet “master of none,” or, as a my prof used to say, “Would you care to reconsider?” Remember Carl, and this is from the OT, “Pride goeth before the fall!”

  10. I shall endeavor to be brief:

    1) I did not chose between science and religion. Period. If you like we can talk about why you believe that I do, but any such conversation must begin with the understanding that I do not see myself as having made any such choice.

    2) I became comfortable enough with the relaxed collegiality that I felt I could say something about the writing style of the naturalistic fairy tales without making it sounds like a criticism about the content. I have no problems with parodies of naturalism, and I don’t even mind that they are written as pseudo-creeds, or as parodies of creeds. I guess I just mind all the “did”s and “do”s. It doesn’t even sound arrogant, which is the effect I imagine Country Shrink was going for. It sounds like someone who failed Freshman Composition.

    3) I am not, nor have I ever claimed to be, a “jack of all trades and master of none”. I’m an expert in very few, highly knowledgeable in several, somewhat informed in many, and entirely ignorant of all the rest.

    If you want an elaboration: I’m an expert in the philosophy of Nietzsche, in the Frankfurt School of critical theory, and in neopragmatism. (I’m limiting my claims of expertise to those areas in which I’ve published articles in peer-reviewed scholarly journals.) I’m highly knowledge in the history of epistemology from Aristotle to Wittgenstein and in the history of the relationship between philosophy and science. I’m somewhat informed about evolutionary theory, theories of self-organizing systems, paleontology, cognitive neuroscience, and the history of civilization. I’m ignorant of the rest — I could not, for example, explain different theories of quantum mechanics, or the sub-prime housing crisis.

    I’m also single, 5’7″, and enjoy cooking, painting, and moonlit walks on the beach. OK?

  11. I’m also single, 5′7″, and enjoy cooking, painting, and moonlit walks on the beach. OK?

    Good one! I got ya! I’m single etc, but I don’t walk or sit on beaches (obesity), because the PETA people keep dumping water on me and trying to push me back in the ocean! This is terrifying to me, since I can’t swim!;-)

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